I’ve always made it a habit to not write on the weekends, but I was messing around on here and I found that WordPress does these nifty little things where they do a daily post/daily prompt. Today’s is Continue and my goodness let me tell you how much I love this.
As some know, I lost my mother on June 30th of this year. The day before my twenty-second birthday. Since then, my life has been filled with so many emotions. Anger. Disbelief. Sadness. Those are just a few. I’ve been questioning everything. My mother was my best friend and my biggest supporter. For the longest time, I didn’t think that I’d be going back to college. I didn’t think I was going to be able to function (I still believe this but everyone keeps telling me I made the right choice). I have no clue what I’m doing and as I stated in “I Don’t Even Have A Pla-” it’s totally fine that I don’t have a plan. I know what’s important now.
What is importing is that I’m continuing. I’m continuing my education and living. Both of these things are something I had considered ending. For the longest time, I couldn’t imagine my life without my mother. I always said that if I lost her I’d take my own life because I didn’t want to lie a life without her. The night that she died, I told her in my final goodbye to her that she wouldn’t have to worry about me doing what I always said I would. I couldn’t do it because I was hurting too much. Days later, I laid in her bed entertaining the idea of it. It would have been so simple to do. Nothing was holding me back. But, creating and executing a plan would have taken up too much energy that I didn’t have.
Continuing is one of the best things that I could ever do for myself. I know that I will get better with dealing with my grief and that it will take time. I have to be patient with myself and realize that continuing on thie journey is one of the best things that I could ever do for myself.
I can’t wait to see what life has in store for me.